Victoria and NSW have changed the law regarding sexual consent by moving towards an affirmative consent model. This means that education and law have changed from the ‘no means no’ slogan that many of us grew up hearing, to a ‘yes means yes’ approach.
The model of affirmative consent requires individuals to actively check in with their partners for consent.
Affirmative consent laws require people to take steps to establish an enthusiastic “yes”, making it clear that the absence of a “no” is not consent. The FRIES model describes what aspects of the conversation might look like.
Freely given: Consent must be granted freely. The agreement is invalid if there is any coercion or pressure involved. If your partner pressures you into sex/being intimate and you are not ready, that is not consent.
Reversible: Describes that a person can withdraw consent at any time without feeling that they must apologise or provide an explanation. It mandates that partners involved must be continually checking in on each other to ensure each feels comfortable. If a person asks to stop or pause, they’ve withdrawn consent, even if they had agreed earlier.
Informed: This mandates that the individual must understand exactly what they are agreeing to. If a person is misled or deceived, this is not informed consent. Similarly, if one person is cognitively impaired or has taken substances/been drinking alcohol, they may not be able to understand what is being asked of them or the risks involved, and are therefore not able to give informed consent. The law is clear that any sexual activity with someone who can’t give informed consent is criminal.
Enthusiastic: Ensuring you get an enthusiastic, verbal “yes” and checking for congruent body language. An individual hesitating, having tense posture or avoiding your gaze can be signs they may not be enthusiastic about what they are being asked to do. Checking in with them and making it clear there is no pressure can help ensure that people are on the same page, and are feeling safe to continue.
Specific: This means that you must seek consent for each specific act and understand that a person agreeing to one thing doesn’t mean they agree to another.
Gaining consent is easier when you learn to talk about what you’re comfortable with, what enthusiasm looks like for you and how to let others know the ways in which you prefer to communicate, so that everyone feels respected and safe.
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